Thursday, December 31, 2009

New York City

In New York City everyone is confused, because there are so many buildings.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Advertising works

A Happy Meal is my FAVORITE MEAL!! It's happy, but it's food! Happy food!!! ((maniacal laughter))

Friday, December 18, 2009


C: What's that movie about?
Dad: It's a pretend movie about the end of the world.
C: The world's never going to end really, right?

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Watching Ad For Dog Toy

When all our cats die, we can get a puppy, and get one of those toys, and have hours of fun!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Small Socks

Dad, these red socks, they fairly bit!

Monday, November 30, 2009

On YouTube

I wanna watch the dinosaurs get killed!

Sunday, November 29, 2009


Mom: Calvin, could you --
Mom: Don't scream when I'm screaming, Calvin.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


Mom: Calvin, what would you like to see in our house that isn't there now?

Calvin: Trilobites!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


C: Mom, Daddy is older than you, even though you're taller.
Mom: That's true. Will I ever be older than Daddy, or will he always be older?
C: When he dies, you'll come older.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Stacking the Committee

At my birthday party, I'll choose who picks the game.

Looking at His Letter to Santa

He'll say "Ho ho ho! Which one should I pick?"

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Really thirsty

When I'm really thirsty, I can drink a lot more than I need!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Trying to learn the golden rule

Mom: Calvin, I think you should learn about Immanuel Kant. Say there's a knock at your grandmother's door...
C: There's a knock at my grandmother's door.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Redistribution of Wealth

Mommy, when you have too much money that means you give some of the money to me.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Children's Song

Blah, blah, black sheep, have you any wool?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Pirate knifes

Dad! Did you know this? Pirate knifes are really knives for Pirates!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Home Sweet Home

Why is Virginia so beautiful?

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Facts of Life

Daddy, my computer stopped working and now I have to start my email all over again!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Squirrels Eat Acorns

Squirrels eat walnuts, too, and coconuts!


Walnuts turn into coconuts.

Computer Lessons

C: The cats teached me.
Dad: What did they teach you?
C: How to use a computer.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

The Moon

See? The moon is made of cheese! A piece just fell in my mouth. It's cheddar!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Lego Building

C: I can build it however I want.
Dad: You're right. I don't want to squash your creative spirit.
C: Dad, you squashed my creative spearmint.

Mom's Morning Breath

Mom, your breath smells like potatoes.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

When I Eat Food

It all tastes the same, except for things I don't like.

Monday, October 5, 2009

When I Grow Up

I want to be a policeman.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

The Golden Rule

Do the things that you really want other people to do.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Waiting for minor bump-removal surgery

Mom: Do you have any questions?
C, excited: Yes! Are they going to take out my eyeballs?


When a comet hits the Earth, it's called the golf of America.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Place settings

There are two forks so you can eat with both hands!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

More Afterlife

Did you know if you die the dinosaurs will come back?

Thursday, September 17, 2009


C: Cats don't know anything, Dad.
Dad: Yes, they do.
C: They don't know anything about Star Wars!

At Chili's

C: What are those? Are they for decoration?
Dad: They're gift cards.
C: Yeah, if you get married here, they give you one of those for a gift.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


C: I'm going to be grown up really really soon!

Dad: No, it'll take many years.

C: I have fun being a kid. I get to play and not go to work.


I'm so silly. My brain doesn't think right.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


When you die, the houses all get old and then they fall down.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Stormy Sky

If the sky opened up then all the planets and stars would fall down to Earth.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

We don't want to know

Am I good at eating plastic?

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Math lesson fail

Mom, nobody likes to talk about 14. It is boring.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Again! Again!

Mom, you hurt my neck! Do it again, it was SO MUCH FUN!!!!

Greenberry's Coffee Shop

If it were Greenberry then they would only have ONE coffee!

Thursday, August 27, 2009


One time - I didn't have a headache, I was THINKING wrong!

Sunday, August 23, 2009


Why are they saying "run away"? Because the bed's on fire?

Our house was built in the '30s

Remember when you were alive, and they were building your house, and you had to sleep on the lawn?

Thursday, August 20, 2009


Water is clear but it's not invisible. Air is clear and it's invisible.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Not sure how to answer

Looking at Daddy's half-rack of ribs: Wait, those are ribs from a COW? They cut up the COW? How did they DO that!?

Sunday, August 16, 2009


If something is easy and I already know how to do it, I don't try it again.

Infinite Regression

This how you do a "kitewheel": you jump and then you do a kitewheel.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Blood Suckers

1. I'm going to suck the juice out of these grapes because I'm a juice mosquito.

2. Vampires are called mosquitos.

Good Question

How do you wash water?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

No I will not

Will you help me explode the house?

Discussing rocketships

- Well maybe you can someday go to a school to learn how to make a rocketship.
- But Mom, you CAN'T talk about rockets at school! Because they are big and on fire!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Outlaw Ethics

C: put your hands up Daddy!
Dad: [puts hands up]
C: bang!
Dad: you can't shoot someone with their hands up!
C: Dad, don't put your hands up!

Friday, July 31, 2009

Watching Mom play Rock Band

Mom, get to the end and win! Mom, don't miss any notes! Mom, go really fast!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Travel advice

Mom! Don't go to planets that have air that is poison! You can't see poison!

Star Wars fighting with Daddy

Darth Vader, are you okay? Darth Vader needs a hug!

Morning numbers

My favorite number is 255!
Also my favorite is two hundred fifty-teeth. That is a good number for the morning because it has teeth!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

After seeing Han Solo get carbon-frozen

Mom! Some people do that just for decoration!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Dad: It's too dirty.
C: But I wiped it off with my hand!
Dad: But it's still dirty.
C: No it isn't. That's just mold.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Dark pounds

Light means just a little pounds, so DARK pounds is a LOT of pounds!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Darth Vader

Darth Vader loves kittens!


Mom: it was before you were on this Earth, before you were even in my belly.
C: Was I out in space?

Grocery store lobster tank

(Looking at the seasonings near the lobster tank)

- Mom! Is that lobster food?
- ummm...

(Later on, after a little talk)

- But how do you make them stop moving?

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Breathing Fire

- Why do people breathe air and dragons breathe fire?
- What do you think, Calvin?
- Because people are good and dragons are bad.


Dad: What movie did you see?
C: Madagascar. There weren't any cars in it.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Ice People

Only Ice People can walk on water. Ice People that are alive.

Our kitten Blue

Did you know? One time - I hugged Blue sooooo hard - that he squeaked!

Friday, July 3, 2009


Mom! Did you know babies are smaller than big big rocks?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

LEGO sculpture

I *love* this! When you love something, you should break it apart. Then you can put it back together!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Life Goal

I wish I could be a callapillar.

Friday, June 26, 2009


I can read now.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Watching Popcorn Pop

I wish I could turn inside out.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Dad, do you like my idea? You can have it. Keep it. Keep it in your head.

Monday, June 15, 2009

The Elderly

When you're 100, you can't fit in any cars and you have to walk everywhere because you're too tall to fit.

Sunday, June 14, 2009


This is dark gray, this is light gray, this is light white, and this is dark white.

Apple juice

Red apples make red apple juice and green apples make green apple juice!

Pancake mix

C: there is pancake mix in the pancakes!
Mom: what do you think the pancake mix is made of?
C: pancakes!

The Hot Chocolate Sat Out All Night

Mom: is it still good?
Calvin: yes, it's still brown.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Dull Pens

Mom! What if there were PEN sharpeners?!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

More Cards

This is the King of Apples.


It's the King of Shamrocks.


I'm riding a two-wheel unicycle!

Candy on a high shelf

- Calvin, why are all these laundry baskets and pillows in a stack?
- I was NOT trying to get something.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

At Greenberry's

Mom, Greenberry's is as big as it has to be.


Months are very long. You have to do a lot of numbers.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Chicken Puff Song

Chicken puff, bo bicken puff, banana fana fro fricken puff!

Sunday, May 24, 2009


I miss you when I'm already here.


Air is invisible.

Saturday, May 23, 2009


Hey Mom, I made a mathematical shape!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

At Nate's House

I'm lucky to be here.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I don't think so

Hey, Mom! I have an idea! Maybe I can lick off all the cheese and then YOU can have the cracker!

Monday, May 11, 2009


Hummus is made of hum.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Riding a bike

Mom, I think I have a weird feeling. I think I want to ride in a square.

Thursday, May 7, 2009


These socks are TOO DRY!

Monday, May 4, 2009

My Family

We're the best people. We are going to save the Earth by fixing everything.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Franchises Available

McDonald's is on the moon!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


The roof is like the head of the house.

Monday, April 27, 2009


What if socks went over shoes?

Sunday, April 19, 2009

What If There Were a Blue Light on Stop Lights?

That would mean we would go Hot Wheels fast!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Playing with Tinkertoys

Today on How It's Made we make rockets.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Our house

This house has NEVER exploded!


Oh, I *LOVE* envelopes! Yes! Yes! YES!!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Grammatical Patterning

Monster cookies are made of monsters.

Friday, April 10, 2009


What if fishes were playing baseball?

Thursday, April 9, 2009

The Infinite Wonder of Youth

I just got naked in a really cool way!

Saturday, March 28, 2009


- Would you rather have $10 of candy or have $50?
- $10 of candy!


My job is NOT MATH!!!

Thursday, March 26, 2009


Cats don't understand things. They only understand hugging.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Giant Planet

- If there was a giant planet, we would be very very ANGRY!
- Why would we be angry?
- Because we wouldn't be able to find our house!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Little Nietzsche

Dad, I don't like when you win, but when you win, I get stronger.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Stuffed animals

This rabbit's name is Ketchup, and this tiger's name is Mustard. Their last names are MooTV and FishBooty.


What if you cut a knife with another knife?


- Mom, I don't need this nametag on my umbrella.
- Why not?
- I already know my name!


- The rain is making smoke come off the road!
- That's steam.
- It's macaroni falling on the road!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

More Brain

- Daddy, I found a number: 344!
- Where?
- In my head.
- You have numbers in your head?
- Yeah. My brain shows them to me.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Cheerios, Spaghetti-O's, ...

Pistachios? What does "pistachi" mean?

Friday, March 6, 2009

Life Savers

Do they really save people?

My Brain

My brain is silly. He keeps biting my ear!


My Mom was right. My Mom is always right.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


What if everybody in the world yawned at the same time?

What if we had 170 years for making things?

Sunday, March 1, 2009

My Skeleton

How did it get in there?

Saturday, February 28, 2009


Bubblewrap is very loud, and it makes your brain feel good.

Thursday, February 26, 2009


C: Lions are pretend.
Mom: No, lions are real; they just live far away.
C: Lions live in Canada!

Sunday, February 22, 2009


Mom: What is corn syrup?
C: It's syrup with corn in it!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Tickle socks

Socks are okay to throw, because they are soft... and tickle-y!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Of Montreal

You can't smell the ocean in your hair 'cause you don't have a nose in your hair!


I've been blessyouing a lot.

Sunday, February 15, 2009


Michi is a sweet cat, but when she is mean she is *NOT* a sweet cat!


Cars are bigger than persons. Cars are big machines.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Star Trek

Why has no one gone before?

Monday, February 9, 2009

Worst name ever

'Musty Smell' - Is that a restaurant?

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Thoughts in the parking garage

You can't trip over a car. A car is too big! But if you fell on top you'd need a ladder to get down.


Do doctors need lunch?

Posthumous birthdays

If you have a birthday when you're dead, you won't get a birthday because you are dead.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


Why is space way up in the sky?


Geese are all friends, but some want to be alone. Birds like to be by themselves because they're scared of different colored birds.


How do you get clouds down from the sky? You use a basket balloon. When you let go, they'll go back up.

Human Anatomy

My legs won't come off because they're squished together.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Sweet Dreams

Sometimes my dreams are real. I'm dreaming about markers on your teeth! I'm dreaming about glass breaking!


If you're 10 then you get bigger and bigger and bigger and you can eat more stuff than ever!

Pointing to R2-D2

Look Dad, there's one of those fish tanks!

Friday, January 30, 2009

More Astronomy

The planet and the Moon are following us!


Look, Mom, part of the moon is out! And I can see one of the stars up in space!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


You could be a snow climber and go up on the mountain and slide down on your sleigh.

Sunday, January 25, 2009


- Mom, we should make our house a buying place!
- What do you mean?
- We can line things up, and people would come and buy them! We could sell lots of donuts!

Thursday, January 22, 2009


As my feet get bigger and bigger my shoes will shrink.


I'm all alone in here with everybody else.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Pointing at Antarctica

This is the dirt of the ocean.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

The gastric system

There's a light in my tummy so the food can see.

Comparing heights

I'm halfway to a grownup!

Fundamental Question

Why is water wet?

Bouncing on the bed

I am a sandwich! I am a kitty! I am a pancake guy!

Saturday, January 17, 2009



Friday, January 16, 2009


The wind waters your eyes.

I'm Rich

I have thirty million money. I will give it to you.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

So much to learn

How do stickers get made? Do they stick to the radiator because there is a magnet? No? Oh, because they have a lot of stick.

Monday, January 12, 2009

In the bath

I have to wash all my bones - my bones are all dirty!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

The anatomy of ketchup

Mom: "You have ketchup on your forehead."
Calvin: "But I didn't wipe any up there!"
Mom: "Well it must have jumped up there somehow..."
Calvin: "Ketchup doesn't have legs!!"


Mom: "What is this number?"
Calvin: "niiiiiiinnnnne."

Friday, January 9, 2009

Interior Design

There will be tacks everywhere, and it will be very beautiful.

Thursday, January 8, 2009


Calvin: "Why are people so juicy?"
Mom: "What?"
Calvin: "Spiders think they are."

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Forced to Work Two Jobs

My job is to play with Cole. My second job is to find Cole when he runs away.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Creative Process

Dad: "What are you building?"
Calvin: "I don't know. I have to finish building it first."

h(t)=h(t) for all t

I'm still as tall as me.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Life on the moon

If people stand on the bottom of the moon then they have to be glued down on their feet to stick to the moon.