Math lesson fail

Mom, nobody likes to talk about 14. It is boring.

Again! Again!

Mom, you hurt my neck! Do it again, it was SO MUCH FUN!!!!

Greenberry's Coffee Shop

If it were Greenberry then they would only have ONE coffee!

Headache

One time - I didn't have a headache, I was THINKING wrong!

Psychokiller

Why are they saying "run away"? Because the bed's on fire?

Our house was built in the '30s

Remember when you were alive, and they were building your house, and you had to sleep on the lawn?

Clear

Water is clear but it's not invisible. Air is clear and it's invisible.

Not sure how to answer

Looking at Daddy's half-rack of ribs: Wait, those are ribs from a COW? They cut up the COW? How did they DO that!?

Challenges

If something is easy and I already know how to do it, I don't try it again.

Infinite Regression

This how you do a "kitewheel": you jump and then you do a kitewheel.

Blood Suckers

1. I'm going to suck the juice out of these grapes because I'm a juice mosquito.

2. Vampires are called mosquitos.

Good Question

How do you wash water?

No I will not

Will you help me explode the house?

Discussing rocketships

- Well maybe you can someday go to a school to learn how to make a rocketship.
- But Mom, you CAN'T talk about rockets at school! Because they are big and on fire!

Outlaw Ethics

C: put your hands up Daddy!
Dad: [puts hands up]
C: bang!
Dad: you can't shoot someone with their hands up!
C: Dad, don't put your hands up!

Watching Mom play Rock Band

Mom, get to the end and win! Mom, don't miss any notes! Mom, go really fast!

Travel advice

Mom! Don't go to planets that have air that is poison! You can't see poison!

Star Wars fighting with Daddy

Darth Vader, are you okay? Darth Vader needs a hug!

Morning numbers

My favorite number is 255!
Also my favorite is two hundred fifty-teeth. That is a good number for the morning because it has teeth!

After seeing Han Solo get carbon-frozen

Mom! Some people do that just for decoration!

Dirty

Dad: It's too dirty.
C: But I wiped it off with my hand!
Dad: But it's still dirty.
C: No it isn't. That's just mold.

Dark pounds

Light means just a little pounds, so DARK pounds is a LOT of pounds!

Darth Vader

Darth Vader loves kittens!

Ontology

Mom: it was before you were on this Earth, before you were even in my belly.
C: Was I out in space?

Grocery store lobster tank

(Looking at the seasonings near the lobster tank)

- Mom! Is that lobster food?
- ummm...

(Later on, after a little talk)

- But how do you make them stop moving?

Breathing Fire

- Why do people breathe air and dragons breathe fire?
- What do you think, Calvin?
- Because people are good and dragons are bad.

Madagascar

Dad: What movie did you see?
C: Madagascar. There weren't any cars in it.

Ice People

Only Ice People can walk on water. Ice People that are alive.

Our kitten Blue

Did you know? One time - I hugged Blue sooooo hard - that he squeaked!

Babies

Mom! Did you know babies are smaller than big big rocks?

LEGO sculpture

I *love* this! When you love something, you should break it apart. Then you can put it back together!

Life Goal

I wish I could be a callapillar.

Announcement

I can read now.

Watching Popcorn Pop

I wish I could turn inside out.

Idea

Dad, do you like my idea? You can have it. Keep it. Keep it in your head.

The Elderly

When you're 100, you can't fit in any cars and you have to walk everywhere because you're too tall to fit.

Shades

This is dark gray, this is light gray, this is light white, and this is dark white.

Apple juice

Red apples make red apple juice and green apples make green apple juice!

Pancake mix

C: there is pancake mix in the pancakes!
Mom: what do you think the pancake mix is made of?
C: pancakes!

The Hot Chocolate Sat Out All Night

Mom: is it still good?
Calvin: yes, it's still brown.

Dull Pens

Mom! What if there were PEN sharpeners?!

More Cards

This is the King of Apples.

Cards

It's the King of Shamrocks.

Bicycle

I'm riding a two-wheel unicycle!

Candy on a high shelf

- Calvin, why are all these laundry baskets and pillows in a stack?
- I was NOT trying to get something.

At Greenberry's

Mom, Greenberry's is as big as it has to be.

Months

Months are very long. You have to do a lot of numbers.

The Chicken Puff Song

Chicken puff, bo bicken puff, banana fana fro fricken puff!

Mom

I miss you when I'm already here.

Air

Air is invisible.

Geometry

Hey Mom, I made a mathematical shape!

At Nate's House

I'm lucky to be here.

I don't think so

Hey, Mom! I have an idea! Maybe I can lick off all the cheese and then YOU can have the cracker!

Hummus

Hummus is made of hum.

Riding a bike

Mom, I think I have a weird feeling. I think I want to ride in a square.

Socks

These socks are TOO DRY!

My Family

We're the best people. We are going to save the Earth by fixing everything.

Franchises Available

McDonald's is on the moon!

Anatomy

The roof is like the head of the house.

Commutativity

What if socks went over shoes?

What If There Were a Blue Light on Stop Lights?

That would mean we would go Hot Wheels fast!

Playing with Tinkertoys

Today on How It's Made we make rockets.

Our house

This house has NEVER exploded!

Envelopes

Oh, I *LOVE* envelopes! Yes! Yes! YES!!

Grammatical Patterning

Monster cookies are made of monsters.

Fishes

What if fishes were playing baseball?

The Infinite Wonder of Youth

I just got naked in a really cool way!

Economics

- Would you rather have $10 of candy or have $50?
- $10 of candy!

Exclamation

My job is NOT MATH!!!

Cats

Cats don't understand things. They only understand hugging.

Giant Planet

- If there was a giant planet, we would be very very ANGRY!
- Why would we be angry?
- Because we wouldn't be able to find our house!

Little Nietzsche

Dad, I don't like when you win, but when you win, I get stronger.

Stuffed animals

This rabbit's name is Ketchup, and this tiger's name is Mustard. Their last names are MooTV and FishBooty.

Knives

What if you cut a knife with another knife?

Nametag

- Mom, I don't need this nametag on my umbrella.
- Why not?
- I already know my name!

Macaroni

- The rain is making smoke come off the road!
- That's steam.
- It's macaroni falling on the road!

More Brain

- Daddy, I found a number: 344!
- Where?
- In my head.
- You have numbers in your head?
- Yeah. My brain shows them to me.

Cheerios, Spaghetti-O's, ...

Pistachios? What does "pistachi" mean?

Life Savers

Do they really save people?

My Brain

My brain is silly. He keeps biting my ear!

Mom

My Mom was right. My Mom is always right.

Hypotheticals

What if everybody in the world yawned at the same time?

What if we had 170 years for making things?

My Skeleton

How did it get in there?

Bubblewrap

Bubblewrap is very loud, and it makes your brain feel good.

Lions

C: Lions are pretend.
Mom: No, lions are real; they just live far away.
C: Lions live in Canada!

Corn

Mom: What is corn syrup?
C: It's syrup with corn in it!

Tickle socks

Socks are okay to throw, because they are soft... and tickle-y!

Of Montreal

You can't smell the ocean in your hair 'cause you don't have a nose in your hair!

Sick

I've been blessyouing a lot.

Michi

Michi is a sweet cat, but when she is mean she is *NOT* a sweet cat!

Cars

Cars are bigger than persons. Cars are big machines.

Star Trek

Why has no one gone before?

Worst name ever

'Musty Smell' - Is that a restaurant?

Thoughts in the parking garage

You can't trip over a car. A car is too big! But if you fell on top you'd need a ladder to get down.

Lunch

Do doctors need lunch?

Posthumous birthdays

If you have a birthday when you're dead, you won't get a birthday because you are dead.

Space

Why is space way up in the sky?

Ornithology

Geese are all friends, but some want to be alone. Birds like to be by themselves because they're scared of different colored birds.

Meteorology

How do you get clouds down from the sky? You use a basket balloon. When you let go, they'll go back up.

Human Anatomy

My legs won't come off because they're squished together.