Tubes!

Cole said he'd break our internets.

Unverifiable Hypothesis

If you sliced people up like paper, there would be so many pieces you wouldn't even be able to count them all in the same day.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Proposal for the City of Harrisonburg

Policemen should get free slingshots so they can shoot robbers getting away in balloons.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Discovering International Trade

Why is everything I have made in China?

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

The origin of Man

C: Where do cats come from?
Mom: Other cats.
C: But where did the first cat come from?
Mom: Good question! Where did the first person come from?
C: From a fairy who put two people on the Earth, and those people made all the other people.
Mom: Some people think so, but they call the fairy God. Other people think we came from monkeys.
C: No, from apes. First they were apes, then Indians, and then people.
Mom: No, Indians are people. I think you mean Indians were the first people who lived here.
C: The first people to live in houses? No, they didn't live in houses, they lived in pyramids!

8 million

Mom: What is 4 million plus 4 million?
Calvin: 8 million! Mom, you messed my HEAD up with MATH!

Black on black

If you draw black marker over black crayon, it GLOWS IN THE DARK.

Person cakes

Zombies eat person-flesh cakes!

Teaching Oleana Science

There are little things you can't see, and they're called germs and they make you dirty. Everyday they make you dirty.

???

Mom: Name an animal that begins with "D".
C: a duckladder!
Mom: What's a duckladder?
C: It's an animal that climbs up trees even though it's a duck.

Bad Ship Lollipop

C: I have pirates on my belt!
Mom: Those aren't pirates, those are skulls and crossbones.
C: No, they're called Jolly Ranchers.

Phonics

Dad: What letter does "xylophone" start with?
C: Z!
Dad: Actually, it's X.
C: X?! That's crazy! That would be an "X-lophone"!

Authority

Cole believes everything I say. He's right.

More Butterflies

I'm a real butterfly scientist!

A Butterfly

His legs are leaving hearts and hearts on my arm.

Self-satisfaction

Mommy, if I were you, I wouldn't want to be you. I would want to be me.

Scooby

Scooby-Doo is his real name, Scooby-Doo-Be-Doo is his long name.

Anti-tautology

I can't do it as soon as possible!

On the Rope Swing

Dad - Okay, two more pushes.
C - Okay. This is the first one... no! It's the zeroth one!
Dad - No, it's number one.
C - No! It's negative one!

Stu at the Vet

I know how they make him younger - they take out his bones and give him littler bones.

Memories of Oscar

Oscar got ran over by a car, and I had to stay in the house alone for a while.

The colors of McDonald's

Mom, did you know this? McDonald's restaurants are painted in the colors of ranch, ketchup, and mustard!

Sometime in the future

If you stick your hand in this bucket, I'll give you 17 dollars sometime in the future!

Um... no?

Heard yelling from upstairs: Can I ride this motorcycle down the stairs?

A Sad Truth

Looking at an illustration of beef cuts: "Cows give us gifts when we kill them!"

Melting Snow

Look! Life is coming for grass!

Looking at the Star Trek Calendar

C: What's this day say?
Dad: It's Majel Barrett's birthday.
C: Ooh! Did we get an invitation?

Knives

You guys almost never get cut by knives.

Skunks

Skunks spray tomato juice.

Units Part 2

Look at how tall that is. It's like seven milliliters tall.

Block of swiss at the deli counter

Mom, that is the cheese that MICE eat! Mice LOVE that cheese!!

Playing a Toy Horn

Dad: That's really loud.
C: Did it scare your ears?

Memory

Mom: You have a really good memory!
C: I have a book of things we've done in my brain.

Pun

[Puts Lego hair on a Lego airplane]

Look, Mommy, it's a hairplane!

Magic

I'm going to make a Lego zombie and then call a fairy to make it come alive at night.

Lego Traveler Set

C: The suitcase has secret papers in it.
Dad: Spy papers?
C: No, papers with math on them. He's going to the conference.

Yarn Store

I loooove seeing yarn rolled up!

I Built a Truck

Bills

Everybody hates bills! Sending money to companies... And you have to do it!

Units

That's a lot of jelly Mommy got. It's like a whole mile of jelly.

Bush/Cheney, Shorter Version

I'm trickier than Cole. I'll blow up his house first.